Well, I’m definitely not the first blogger to say this recently – in fact, there’s been a bit of an onslaught in the last month. And I reckon that even many of those who haven’t come out and said it, are probably thinking it.
I AM HAVING AN IDENTITY CRISIS. More specifically, a blogging identity crisis. I know exactly who I am in every other aspect of my life – but my blogging identity seems to have fallen by the wayside somewhere down the line and it’s really getting to me. This stupid little website has been such a massively important part of my life since March 2009, and for the majority of that time I’ve felt contented with my role in the community although there’s no denying that over the years, as more and more blogs have come into play some of us have felt less and less significant. But for whatever reason, for the last few months, my heart’s just not been in it like it should be.
I don’t know why exactly, and I don’t know what the catalyst is/was. I will admit here and now that I frequently harbour feelings of jealousy of other bloggers (don’t lie, we ALL do at some point or another). I wish, I wish, I wish I had more time to pour into this thing but some of us do work full time and can’t pay the bills with blogging so other things do need to take priority. I expect the genuine lack of time I’ve had to spend on blogging in the last month is contributing to my feelings of ennui about the whole thing.
I’m determined not to just give up and give in. My five year blogging anniversary is coming up in March, and I fully intend for my mojo to be back in full swing by that time. Wherever it’s gone and however I can find it, I need to concentrate on getting my love and excitement back because there’s plenty of evidence around that when a blogger isn’t feeling good about their site or themself, it really reflects in their content and I don’t want that.
I’m not going to churn out crap for the sake of it, and I’m not going to beat myself up for breaking my every-other-day-without-fail posting streak. I’m going to take it as it comes, and rekindle my enjoyment. I’m not going to start taking magazine-style photos just because that’s what everyone else is doing now. I’m going to do everything on my terms, in my own way.
In something which is now a completely oversaturated community, it’s very easy for many of us to feel lost in a gargantuan sea of bloggers, barely having time to stick our heads above water and breathe before being sucked back under, floudering and wondering what the whole bloody point even is. I know I’m not alone. While we all want to be riding the biggest waves, we’ve got to accept that at this stage we all have our place somewhere whether that is indeed at the top, somewhere in the mid-depths or down on the ocean floor. And if we’re not content with our places, either find a way to change it or just stop bloody doing it. Moaning about it does absolutely nothing.
Sooo… not really sure how to wrap this up. Just that, from now on, I’m going to blog when I damn well want to, and I’m going to write about whatever I want to, and I’m just going to get on with it and be grateful for the support I do have instead of sulking about not being top of the food chain.